SECOND SKATE

Whooya guys and gals, bitches and bastards.

Just woke up from a little nappy and getting ready to chug another brewski. Got my fingers warmed up by doing one of those stupid surveys over at Myspace about one of my bloody high schools. What a waste of valuable time, ehh?

Shit, I held my second skate for Norris’ Nightmares this morning at 4:00 am. That’s why I was napping just a bit ago. Its not like you get up at four o’clock but ya gotta be at the rink sharp as a tack and on the ice at four o’clock. Ya know, at least a cup a joe in ya and havin take a good crap by then. Had the ice for two hours again, well, an hour forty-five this week. The price was alright at that hour and it gave me chance to see who “really” wanted to play for me.

Just got my second beer now and poured in the primo glass mug that I got a quarter a century ago for being the best man in my brother Jingles’ wedding. That damn mug is like Jingles - tough as all get out. Don’t know how many times its been dropped but its still not busted.

Good dude that bro of mine. He showed up again to help out this morning. Runs the ice like some kinda drill instructor. Bronzy, my other bro, the jerk, called at about seven o’clock and said he musta forgot to set his alarm. Ya know I forgive him though, cuz honestly I figure one of his cute kids probably farted with the clock in the middle of the night when they snuck into his and the wife’s bedroom to tell him they were having dreams about hockey and the sun and cookies and …. Yeah, it happens.

But I don’t cut no slack for the guys that want to skate for me. You show up when I say so, you skate your ass off and ya don’t give me no lip. Yup 4:00 am is mighty early.

Good turnout again. A few of the guys were hung-over I could tell. That’s ok with me. Being able to get crunked out and then later skate some shit shows the character that I’m looking for. Now if I can just find the skill set that we need to turn this team into a winner. Ehh? Whacha think you guys?

We had em do the standard stretches and shit. Want to keep them from getting injured from strains and I emphasized how skating once or twice a week isn’t going to get it - they’ve got to work on stuff on their own time too. Jingles got them skating paired laps with sprints on the whistle then switched it into full rink figure-eights to add some interference and agility into the mix. When we took the first break from that we had a bunch of em hurling over the boards. Now ya know why the rink always smells so damn bad and vomitous early in the morning. Ya always thought it was an ammonia leak or something didn’t ya.

One of the heavy heavers was Whitney. Yup, I’ve got ladies trying out for the team too. She hails from the University of Denver and wears a practice jersey from Planet Hockey Skills Camp. Says that she was an instructor there. Anyway after she had finished with Ralph Chunks I heard her say that she’d been partying hard until two and hadn’t slept yet. Good shit - she’s got potential.

Another honey, Jamie from Duluth, skates her ass off and was on a national championship team last year. A little moody, skates without socks and has a tattoo of crossed hockey sticks on one of her feet. There’s a chance for her too.

A third lady showed up this morning also. Jessa, she cracked me up. Wears a jersey that says “Hockey Ass”. I think she’s a little hemp hoe that rings the bell from Rapid City. Ya can tell that she’s into bikers and shit like that - bad ass and all. Wonder if she read my blog about the Sturgis run/tournament for next year? She seemed to be favorin one leg all morning and I mentioned to her that she looked weak when she cut to that side. She told me “My knee is all fuckered up, but it’ll get better coach.” Cracks my ass that one!

So there’s a whole slew of guys and gals out there on the ice this morning. Made me feel good to see their liveliness and stamina. They were all walking with wood for showing up and puttin out.

With about forty-five minutes left I hauled out the barrel of practice pull-overs and Jingles and I broke em down into lines and defensive pairings so we could run some three on twos and short scrimmage sessions. I inherited these colors from Bif’s Broncos a former Junior team that’s now faded into notorious oblivion. Same jerseys, same brown plastic barrel, and same bloody bad stink. Don’t think they’ve ever been washed and I ain’t planning on doing it any time soon.

The drills ran well and the guys looked sharp. I gotta tell ya I was feeling fuckin proud this morning. The goalies were quiet as usual but did the job. Thinkin I might need to dig up somebody to help coach them but not sure yet. Everybody was getting in each others’ faces but no one dropped the gloves yet. Its intense, I can tell, and that’s what I want. I gotta get get this group of forty or so down to twenty in the next month.

Haven’t had any serious injuries either yet. So that’s been good but lucky. We did have one guy miss the last twenty minutes or so cuz of some fun shuckin and jivin on the bench. He got pushed and knocked off balance. Fool bounced his head off the end a the bench and had to sit cuz he got freakin dingy. Had to yell at the guys to keep their helmets on from that point forward. Didn’t really miss the dude though cuz he was one of the weaker skaters this week. Kinda hope that he won’t show up for the next skate.

We finished up with paired laps again. Single whistle sprint with a double whistle to skatin backwards. The guys dropped the practice pullovers in the barrel as they stepped off the ice at the end of practice. I had to laugh when each one commented on how bad the pull-overs stunk when they skated backwards. Oh yeah, I remember how bad that was from my days wearing em. When ya skate backwards at speed ya create a vacuum and that smell can’t escape your vapor trail. And that’s where you’re taking your next heavy breath, in that vapor trail, and the stink will just about suffocate ya. Love those pull-overs!

Love these guys!

Gotta go get another brew now and start a list ranking of the tryouts. This is the tough part.

Until next time - keep skatin hard - enjoy the shit - and walk with wood every chance ya get!

Jasper Wheats