Saturday, June 21, 2008

Desperate Depth

Gosh, be jiggers if summer isn’t finally here. I can hardly believe it. Wasn’t it just a couple of weeks ago that Detroit won the Stanley Cup for the gazillionth time by beating the Penguins. I’ve got to tell you guys that that triple overtime game was the best damn hockey game that I’d seen in a century or two.

Yep, ice hockey is a winter sport for f’n sure but now its summer and its cooking.
I’ve been getting to see some of the 2008 NHL draft on my evening TV – reruns from earlier in the afternoon coming out of Ottawa. No big surprise with Tampa Bay picking Steven Stamkos number one overall. The kid’s got some shit, ehh? Any of ya see that highlight segment where I figure he’s in a shootout and pulls that baffling - lost the puck - switch-hit - from behind – got your knickers in a knot – eat shit goalie – scoring shot. Like to see him pull that stunt in the Bigs – wouldn’t cha?

But what’s this bloody caca I’m hearing that the Lighting is also picking up Barry “The Hair” Melrose as their new coach with assistance from Cap Raeder. Sounds like the Kings all over again. But Melrose hasn’t coached in thirteen years. I sure enjoyed his Fancy-Dan suits that he got to wear while doing his commentating gig. Always figured that he was competing with Mr. High Collar himself, Don Cherry, for the best dressed verbose hockey nut on the tube. Oh yeah, I like the rough stuff too.

So then, my boys, the LA Kings get the second pick by drawing Drew Doughty, a defenseman. But why the heck did they trade away Cammalleri? Sure, he was minus sixteen, but Visnovsky and Blake were minus eighteen and nineteen respectively, and I like those guys too, but they didn’t get traded. So what’s the story with this?

Kings then pick Colter Teubert, number thirteen, another defenseman. Thirty-second overall they get another “D” Vjateslav Voinov.

Ok, so their first three picks, from the first and second round, are all blue-liners. So take a look at last season’s stats. They scored more goals then about half the teams in the league but they couldn’t keep the damn biscuit out of their own net. I guess it makes sense to make these early round picks defensemen then.

In the third round the Kings pick up two forwards and another defenseman: Robert Czarnik (center/right wing) sixty-third pick, Andrew Cambell (defense) seventy-fourth pick, and Gordie Wudrick (center) eighty-eighth overall.

Fourth round leaves the Kings without a named puckster.

In the fifth and sixth round they snag two centers: Andrei Loktionov (123) and Justin Azeved (153). And in the seventh round a left winger is drafted, Garrett Roe (183).

That’s nine picks in the first seven rounds. Not bad, but they paid the price last season by having one of the worst butt-sucking finishes on record.

But I like the new draft format where the Stanley Cup winner gets NO PICKS at all (LMAO). Damn I love those Wings but let’s put a damper on their talent to provide a little balance to the league. Now that was probably one of Melrose’s or Cherry’s idea cuz it sure the heck wasn’t one of Bettman’s gems. You know, I think, it maybe was Mike Milbury – he’s got the huevos to sell that to the NHL commissioners, board and player’s association. Now there’s a dude that thinks just like I do. Hockey – balls to the wall or leave em home in a jar (ya wooses!).

So all-in-all my puckhead friends – I think the Kings and the NHL overall are on to some good shit come next season.

I’m also hearing that there was more depth in this draft year than they’ve had for quite a while. Ha! Name them kids! All of my kids on the Norris’ Nightmare got drafted – some in some pretty late rounds, but sure the fuck they all got spoken for. Hell even my younger bro’s, Jingles and Bronzy, got drafted this year. The Preds got them both, if they’d a picked me then they coulda put together the world famous “Wheats Line” again – like the old days. Bronzy is like thirty years old or something and Jingles I think is thirty-two. Shit, that’s pretty old to be drafted. I think, maybe, the league is getting a bit desperate. Sure, Bronzy can dangle with the best of them and Jingles has always been one hell of an enforcer – but what the-hey? Both of these boys are walking with wood for sure – just like the early round kids. I’ve heard rumors that some other beer league bangers and buttholes got drafted too. What have you guys heard? I can’t get enough in-depth reports to confirm yeah or neigh on this locker room tale.

Got to cut this off for now. Basement requirements prevail. I’ve got to get it done someday soon.

So the rest a ya scalawags have gotta continue to skate hard and walk with wood when ya can.

Jasper, here, until next time.