Saturday, December 29, 2007


Hey gang!

How’s it hangin?

Saint Nick leave you a treat or two? I got mine. Nice!

Not much to write this week cuz I’m spending some time right now getting sauced with the honey. Got the fire going in the fireplace, the in-laws or out for a while and the snow is crispy. Most days I’d say “Oh, just for a rink in the back yard!” But not today.


Got some other stuff on my mind.

But I read some legal shit recently that made it sound like Chuck Norris is going after people using his good name.


You’d think he’d appreciate the free advertising, ehh? When you think about it, he should be probably paying us to wear his name on our jerseys, right?

“Norris’ Nightmares”. What a team! Those kids are the best damn hockey players you ever did see. They’ve got it all and more heart then you’d think possible from a bunch of hard-asses.

I’d hate to have to change their name because “Carlos” thinks he’s getting a bad rep.

In event he comes after us awe struck Chuck Norris wanna-bees, do any of you guys have an idea for a new name?

Let me know if ya come up with any good ideas. I just may need one.

Captain Morgan’s calling for another round so I gotta run.

But have yourselves one heck of Great New Year! Spend a little time walking with wood, ehh!

See ya then in 2008.

Jasper Wheats - your favorite little lopsided puck buddy.

Sunday, December 23, 2007


A very Merry Christmas to all my fool puck buddies out there!

Hope that all of you have been good this year and are getting what ya want for Christmas.

Yup and I ain’t going to use some politically correct phrase to greet ya. Its “Christmas“, dab nab it. I’m a Christian by belief and that says that I’m celebrating the birth of Christ at this time of year and you can greet me any old dang way you want but I’m going to use the word “Christmas” when I greet you.

I’ve been writing this hockey humor now for a year and I have no intentions of stopping at this point. I do intend to spread the word a bit more in the coming year and will be posting last year’s blogs on You can probably find me there if you do a search while in myspace and look for either my user name “Hockey Bob” or my email “walkingwithwood”. At some point in time I also intend to develop a website - but not yet cuz I need a bit more free time in order to get started. If anybody wants to help me for free then just shoot me an email. OK?

Last night I watched a hockey game on TV. It was the Sharks versus the Ducks on Fox’s sports network in the Bay Area (San Francisco, CA) and the Ducks again pounded the Sharks on their own ice. I don’t really care, I’m an LA Kings fan anyway (FOOL!), but it was ice hockey and for it to be televised I was quite pleased. It made for an enjoyable evening to hang out with the honey. But shiiish, it was the third televised game between these two competitors in this week before Christmas. By now they must really hate each other, ehh?

While watching and at a point where I was really just listening I heard the announcers mention that Sher-Wood had announced it is going to stop producing their premium wooden hockey sticks. They came back a few minutes later and said that their support staff had determined that only seventeen (17) NHLr’s are currently using wooden sticks.

Blymie! My whole realm of existence is based on wooden hockey sticks. As Jasper Wheats my tag line is “walking with wood” and this news just can’t be true. How many times have I praised the good wood of Sher-wood hockey sticks, ehh? You guys know that I love these beautiful and deadly weapons of our trade. Right? I’ve always had a preference to use a Paul Coffee signature model P.M.P. 5030 droit (right to you English speaking folks). Damn! What is the world coming too?

My first thought last night was that the whole world is just going too green. Hence the title of this blog. It just might be the case when you dig deep enough. I remember back when we were all trying to be so ecological and at that early time it meant using things from the earth that were replenishable. That meant using things from plants and animals and not using things that required petroleum products. Trees can be planted and will grow, right? And cows will give birth to calves and calves will grow. So products made from these were good for us because someday we would run out of oil. Now you guys all know that plastics are made from petroleum products right? Doubt me? Then look it up.

But somewhere along the way green changed its meaning to using products that didn’t use replenishable forests. The tree huggers won, ehh? So instead we now have all of these plastic’s and other oil based wastes going into landfills where it will take ten million years or so to break down and revert back into a natural substance. I don’t think that that is so smart - but then I ain’t no rocket scientist am I? I’m just a little lopsided hockey player that likes to walk with wood. I like to use Sher-Woods and they make those out of wood, ehh. Replenishable. My first hockey helmet was made of leather, not plastic. It was an ugly little wrap around with a spider web top. All leather. I don’t know if it protected me so well, but it fit over a woolen knit stocking cap just fine. And then there’s that stocking cap - wool, not knit synthetics. Replenishable from sheep. And my first good skates were all leather uppers and soles from Bauers. Of course they had a small bit of plastic or glass reinforced resin armor between the inners and outers. You’d take those home and soak’em in hot water and then put them on for the day while they dried up and shrunk to a perfect fit around each foot. Then you’d wax them up with a good saddle soap - again made of replenishable animal fat. Of course I always wished that I could afford a good pair of Tac’s back then. They were made of kangaroo skin leather - again replenishable. By the time I could afford those light weight babies they made it illegal to use kangaroo. Some do-gooder came up with that “swell idea” not realizing that kangaroos are like rodents in Australia and they’ve got way too many of them.

Is Sher-Wood getting on the green parade?

So this morning I decide to google this issue with Sher-Wood.

I come a cross an interesting article by Sean Gordon, the Quebec Bureau Chief of the Toronto Star that was published November 5, 2007. Ok, so it’s old news now - almost two months old, ehh. But so what. I don’t get the Toronto Star delivered here to the cabin. It’s news to me.

Here’s the skinny.

Sherbrook Woodcraft was started up in 1949. The name has now been shortened to Sher-Wood which we are all familiar with and their always popular hockey sticks. Last year they made one million wooden hockey sticks and three-hundred and fifty thousand composite sticks.

So you can see there is still one hell of a market for wooden sticks.

What they are going to do is stop making their signature premium sticks at their factory in Quebec. Leopold Drolet the owner and earlier designer of the Sher-Woods that Guy LaFleur used has stated that it is “no longer possible to make a profit mass producing wooden sticks with Quebec timber”.

Well what the fuck are we going to do?

They will be made elsewhere. China, India, Timbuktoo. Shit I don’t know!

Drolet himself said that he doesn’t use a composite or aluminum shaft stick He won’t play with anything except a 5030. Well what the heck is he doing. About forty folks are going to lose their job at his plant. And that’s about half of them. Nice Christmas present, ehh?

After reading that statement I got up out my comfy recliner, walked barefooted over into the icy mud room and grabbed one of my 5030’s. Not broken yet, its an old Bellows 23 signature model feather-lite. And it felt good in my bare hands. I can still read the price tag: $24.60 USD. I preferred the Paul Coffee version but they must not have had any in stock when I bought this one. Shit, Drolet, raise the price. Here you’ve got one of the greatest sticks in the world and you could be selling it for a few more bucks, ehh. What’s a good composite cost - $80 - $150? You got some room in there to raise your prices.

This is what LaFleur had to say, “The P.M.P. 5030 was the best stick in the world.” And then he said something about gaining ten to twenty miles an hour on your shot with a composite. But what good is that if ya miss the net by fifty feet? The hero, LaFleur, knows what he’s talking about, ehh. Didn’t he score almost 620 goals in his career? I do believe that he also said something about “crap” and questioning what kind of parent can afford a $200 stick for a kid that shows an interest in the sport and is just starting out.

Well, who are these seventeen NHL players that are still using wooden sticks? I want to know. I know of one that is and he’s using Sher-Woods. That’s Jason Spezza of the Ottawa Senators. Yeah the dude is walking with wood, ehh! And you should be too!

That’s it for now.

Jasper here until next year.

Merry Christmas and I hope ya get some wood for the new year.

Saturday, December 15, 2007


Hey you guys, here’s a Happy Good Holiday to you!

It’s been a fair week so far for me. Been back home for most of it instead of being on the road. The company Christmas Party is tonight, so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice. Me and the honey will get dolled up and have some fun. She bought me some nice dress slacks and had them tailored so that my short leg doesn’t have a damn pile of fabric hangin on my boot. It helps to look spiffed up for these things ya know. She’ll look stunning as usual - damn I love that lady!

So being in town I got a chance to coach a couple of games with my Norris’s Nightmares. Jingles and Bronzy have been doing wonders with them. They looked tight and are two games out of first place in their division. They split the games with the Red Dogs over in Wateca. The Red Dogs have got that hotter then shit girl goalie. She’s got that glove hand that every guy is looking for around midnight if ya know what I mean - fast. Tanker bullnosed through the slot for a couple of goals in the second game knocking her on her keister both times. Just a tiny bit of fisticuffs erupted as would be expected. But the bitch is tough, and takes her teeth out when she plays. She knows what she’s up against every night. Our defense finally looks like their working as team-mates now when they’re out on the ice. Seem to know where each other is at or at least where they’re supposed to be at. It looked good. I was real pleased. These guys have really been working hard and I gotta say that they’re walking with wood right now.

I also managed to hook up for a game with the Outlaws last night. Woody moved out of state earlier in the season so I played as him. He’s my drunken twin to most folks who have ever seen us together, ’cept his short legs are both the same length. I don’t have his skills either, but who cares - nobody gives a rats ass. It was fun. We went over to Maggy’s and closed the place like old times. Nothin like chugging brewskies and having the barmaid bringin ya free shooters, ehh. I hadn’t hung out with these guys for a while so It was the tits of a good time.

Maggy’s parking lot is gravel and this time of year ya can’t see much of it due to the snow. Stinky comes over and plows it out for her and gets free lunches a couple a times a week for helping out. So anyway ya gotta kinda watch your step out there cuz one step ya take might be on some packed ice or re-melt with a bit of a slip and the next ya might hit exposed gravel grabbin your foot fo a nose dive. It’s a little dicey.

We call it a night inside but Jingles and Bronzy continue some small talk as we head towards my truck. I pull my gear out the cab to throw into the bed when out of the dark Tidwilly and the Wanker boys jump me. Oh shit! What a mess that was. Jingles just about ripped Tidwilly apart. He picked him up at one point and threw him completely over the hood of my truck. The dude just has an Irish mean streak that comes out sometimes and when he’s pumped there’s some unbelievable strength lurking beneath that mellow nature of his. Bronzy, too, don’t believe I ever seen him fight with such vigor. Me, I slipped on the packed snow at the first blow but by the time I was up, Jingles was on Tidwilly. So I squared off with one of the Wanker boys, I can’t tell em apart. They’re both just no good sons of a bitches. We took our blows but I truly believe we pretty much pounded the shit outta them before the sheriff deputies showed up.

Deputy Skolyan took charge of the situation and had dictated cuffing us all. Man was I pumped! After a few minutes while he was on the radio we sat in crusiers waiting to get hauled in. Then he came over to the car that me and my brothers were in and said “Un-cuff the Wheats’. Jasper, you, and your brothers, head-on on home now. Don’t get in anymore shit. These dirt bags that ya whooped on have got some recent warrants against them. I ‘spect that they’ll do thirty days or so. Gonna be Christmas Toads back at our little county lockup. Now git outta here.”

I looked over at Jingles and he had one of his shit eattin grins on and was looking at his bloody knuckles and then I looked over at Bronzy. The dude looked like he was on speed or something. His eyes were so dilated - I realized he was just as torqued as me.

I said, “Hey, sleep ain’t gonna come easy tonight. What say we go down to Denny’s for Grand Slams?”

Jingles smirks, “I think we just had one, but that suits me just fine, Jasper. Lets roll.”

Over to Denny’s we get our chow and like Jingles likes to say “The thousand assorted jellies.” Damn it’s good to be hangin out with my brothers.

Jingles is eight years younger then me. He was born in early January and I like to think that he is one of the best late Christmas presents I ever got. I had been the only boy in the family until he came along - shit having five sisters up until then. I remember how proud I was of him when I was just a kid. I remember the first Christmas present that I bought for him. Cost me a whole dime. It was a blue plastic bear, about five or six inches long. I thought it was just the coolest thing to give your baby brother. Yup, you ain’t real smart when you’re just a kid yet. But he was special to me. Seems as though in fourth or fifth grade I took him with me on the last day of school for show-and-tell. Damn, using your brother as a show-and-tell piece. Crazy, ehh?

We jabbered about all the old time shit while we ate our breakfasts. I told em that watchin Jingles throw Tidwilly reminded me of the time when Bronzy was snooping around under the Christmas tree as a kid and it pissed me off so much that I picked him up and took him outside and threw him into junipers in the front yard.

Bronzy responds, “Yeah, Jasp, you’d go a little crazy now and then didn’t ya?”

Jingles joins the chew on me and says “Shit, remember when I was your jinx whenever you were working on your car. I remember you throwing me around a bit too.”

“Fuck you, you guys. Nobody knew it back then, that I had a blood sugar problem that would make me damn cantankerous if I didn’t eat with regularity. That’s what most of the problem was. I’ve come to figure out that that’s why I’d get so angry about having to wait to eat dinner after Dad got home from work.”

Bronzy about spews his Tabasco’d eggs, “Nine o’clock?”

“Yeah, nine o’clock, Jasper! You still got that clock that Lori and Jim gave you for Christmas that year that only has nine’s on it? Shit, you always were screaming at Mom, “When are we gonna eat, nine o‘clock?“”

“Damn right I still have it. Keep it in my office at home along side some other treasured stuff. I replace the battery in it every year or so and never had any problem telling what time it is with it.” And I jab back, “Ya still got those Nuclear Briefs that I made for you that one Christmas?”

We had made Christmas lists back then and he had written "Nuclear Briefs" on his list. So I made him some. Bought a jock strap and spray painted it gold and threaded an electrical cord into the waist elastic. Made a semi-professional label for a box and wrapped it all up for him. It was hilarious.

“Did anybody ever take a picture of you wearing it? I’d love to post that on a website.”

“Eat shit Jasper. I have no idea what happened to that thing. I figure that one of these years Ry-Ry will surprise me with a new pair.”

We carried on for some time talking about the old days.

Family is something great and I gotta tell ya (not tryin to be all mushy and shit) ya gotta cherish every single moment. Like country singer, Kenny Chesny‘s song “Don’t Blink.” It all goes so fast and every moment can create a hell of a memory for ya. Hang on to them. Tell the stories later and you’ll be walking with wood in the eyes of your future kids or grandkids.

I think back at Christmas’s when I was a kid and the few gifts that I got. We weren’t rich and there sure were a bunch of us in the family. As I recall these items mentioned next were my main gifts in any particular year.

A model airplane, Navy Trainer, made of thin webbed plastic with a rubber band driven prop. Dad could make it fly further then I could. Guess it was because of his height - the plane had more altitude to start with. Me, I’d just wind the rubber band as tight as I could to help it out. Broke the rubber band a few times. Took forever after breaking this gift for me to figure out how to fix things.

An orangish-yellow sweatshirt that had either Daniel Boone or Davy Crockett on it. I’ve never had a yellow sweatshirt since then but wear grays, blues, blacks and whites all the times now days.

An eighty power Gilbert reflecting telescope. Still like looking at the sky at night and all sorts of other heavenly bodies.

Mark Twain’s book “Tom Sawyer”. Probably this tale has had more influence on me then much else. Am I not a little Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn myself, ehh? Could I become the new Mark Twain?

‘Course I got to pick out a new hockey stick one year and we know where that took me.

Oh yeah, those past holidays of gift giving and receiving were great times. Are the physical gifts more lasting then the emotional ones? Nah I don’t thinks so.

What kinda memories of your past holidays can you dig up?

Like I mentioned earlier, I want all of you to have a great Christmas. There’s no point in moping about over bad times. Make your own good times. Have a blast! You just gotta skate hard and walk with wood.

Don’t be a Christmas Toad, ehh.

Now I got some knuckle bumps to heal and some sleep to catch up on before tonight’s company party. So I’ll see ya later.

Saturday, December 8, 2007


Hey, you guys. Sorry I missed ya last week. Just have been ’streamly busy with my real job. I’ve had to travel a quite a bit recently and then had problems with the company vehicle that really clobbered the old gumption to tell ya a new story here. Besides work, Christmas is fast approaching and the season makes my mind wonder a bit. Start thinking about the old days, ehh, and holiday hockey out on the pond again. Those were the times! You guys can relate to that?

But I’ve also been really tied up in an old rag knot with a new endeavor. I’ll be teaching a university class this spring and have to do a lot prep shit for that too. With all that’s going on I sure hope that someday I’ll have sacked away enough money that the honey and me can afford to quit milkin the cows, if ya know what I mean.

So here goes this week’s trip into my world. Hang on, cuz I sure hope ya got an appetite for some excitement and dad-burn foolishness.

HASH - you’re familiar with the word, ehh? Yah. A shortened version of the word hashish that Webster says is “unadulterated resin from the flowering tops of the female hemp plant that is smoked, chewed or drunk for its intoxicating effect.”

Oh yeah!

Put it simply it’s the illegal drug that the youth of world toked up in bongs and hash pipes long before all this chemical crap got invented that kids are getting fucked up on nowadays. Yup, it’s the flowering sap from pot plants. A smelly, brownish, little turd looking substance that’ll get ya high.

Experience says it works. But my drugs of choice these days only include the caffeine in my coffee or cola pops, alcohol in my beerskies (or during this Holiday Season a little Irish Cream and Kahlua), prescription meds that the doc gives me to let me live to a ripe ass age, and ibuprofen for all my ding-dang aches and pains.

But in the day I wasn’t no panty-waist. I did the shit. Makes me wonder, though, thinking back a few years that how much I enjoyed the morphine after they replaced my hip. Just surprised that I didn’t end up a geezed out street druggy instead of the upstanding old fart that I am today.

But back to HASH, ehh. Like pot, it gives ya the munchies. Now the munchies are something we can probably talk about. You guys really know what I mean here, ehh? I mean come on, you’ve seen that Jack in the Box commercial where the dude is trying to figure out what to order and he’s talking to the bobble head Jack on the dash of his van … “Yeahhhh….. That’sss what I wasss thinkinnnn.” Sure for shit when ya got the munchies ya just gotta eat. That’s it! Flat as a pancake and time to scarf.

Well, I’ll be damned if I don’t wake up with the munchies every morning. Don’t you?

Its been that way since I was a fool kid not even tall enough to look over the kitchen table. I can remember a time when I was just a little tike and Mom had fixed chili for dinner. I wouldn’t eat it. She kept me sitting at the table until bedtime and then had me sit with that cold bowl of chili in front of me in the morning too. I wouldn’t eat it - no way - no how. I didn’t like chili and I sure for shit didn’t like anything with tomatoes in it back then. Sure I was starving big time. Munchies galore.

Being a bit pissed off while I was sitting there, I poured all the salt from the shaker into the sugar bowl and later on when Mom finally relented and let me have a bowl of Cheerios I plumb forgot. Egads - that was the biggest waste of breakfast cereal that ever happened in my lifetime I’m sure.

Breakfast is the stuff of life. Cures that morning munchy and leaves ya set for the day, ehh. A good breakfast and ya can be walking with wood all day long.

When I was a kid, cold cereal was definitely the standard. Cheerios first then I moved on to Wheaties. General Mills products - good stuff from a good company. They sponsored my Babe Ruth baseball team (wished it had been my hockey team, ehh). Now that’s a story. Had that big G on my uniform. Wanted to be a catcher but the coach’s son played that position. Fat chance for that opportunity. I must have really sucked anyway cuz I only got to play in one game and that was for the opposing team on an account they didn’t have enough guys show up. A real ego booster - that was - Babe Ruth Baseball. Huh?

It was always a real treat if we got sugar coated cereals when I was kid. But occasionally we would get some Frosted Flakes, Sugar Pops, AlphaBits or Sugar Smacks. Mmmmm mmmmm mmmm! I sure loved those sweet morning bowls filled to the brim with milk.

My school buddy, Girbin, just loved those Sugar Smacks and the old sugar bear that they used in the advertisements. We’d get nuts-o after school eating a bowl or two together.

Coulda been a sugar fiend I guess too, if not a morphine addict. Maybe most of us were. Some of us still are. Gotta have our fix.

Mom was pretty strict about that sugar consumption though. Or at least with me anyway. Around the time Jingles and Bronzy were around she musta lightened up a bit. Damn, they ate Cap’n Crunch. Is it still around? I don’t know. Turned the milk yellow in the bowl and I think it was 40 to 60 percent sugar. Each of em used to eat a whole box for breakfast. You didn’t have to add more milk - just add more cereal. Poor Mom, I’m sure she had to deal with the sugar high that these little junkies took off on.

I still wake up with the munchies every day and I still occasionally fix myself a bowl of cold cereal to remedy that need. ‘Cept now days I start with about a third of a bowl of crisp rice (all generic no name brands any more), a sliced up half a banana, a third a bowl of wheat bran, a couple of table spoons of raisins, and then topping out the bowl with some sugar coated corn flakes. All that scrunched down to make room for that good old 2% milk. Good stuff, Maynard! You’re set for the day after a munchy buster like that.

Now up here in the North Woods that kind a breakfast won’t suit ya too well durin the late fall and winter. Ya don’t want to be puttin too much cold shit in your body so early in the day. Ya need something a little more substantial. Something warm and I ain’t talkin about no damn oatmeal or Malt-O-Meal slop.

Ya need to add some eggs and such to your meal. Now Denny’s, I can vouch for, makes a damn fine breakfast. The Original Grand Slam will suit me just right. Ya get some eggs, pancakes, and choice of meat. Me, I usually go “all bacon and eggs over medium with coffee and a glass of milk with the meal“. Now this meal works great for a morning breakfast, as I figure, my family that hangs out in the city got together again this morning and probably sat down to eight or so orders of Grand Slams this morning. But it also works for filling your gut after a good game of late night hockey and then closing the bar. Done that enough times for sure!

But then there’s my other choice from Denny’s or any other reputable greasy spoon and that’s “bacon and eggs over medium with hash browns, toast and coffee with milk with the meal”. Now Denny’s has a little one up-manship here over others in that they’ll offer their “a thousand assortments of jellies” for your toast (if ya like the three flavors that they’re serving that day - that is). Ya can’t beat it, ehh?

Munchies, uh huh! I sure had them this morning again. I got up pretty early and the honey allows me to make my own breakfast and mess. Its one of the few things that I’ve been able to carry over into marriage from my years of bachelorhood besides hockey.

But it was too damned cold in the cabin to think about cereal. I figured that I’d fire up the stove and make myself something warm, tasty and filling. I checked out the refrigerator and saw that we had eggs. That’s good. Now there might be some leftover red potatoes from the roast beef earlier this week. Yup. That’s good. Now for the meat I see we’ve got some ham, roast beef and meat loaf leftovers, and a bag of salad bacon bits. Hmmm? Looks like the meat loaf and I’ll make some hash.


Yup. You guys, it’s the same word - just a different meaning. Now hash as from hashish we know now is a drug, ehh? I don’t know where it gets that “ish” on the end of the word but its probably like Turkish, or English, or Berkleyish; but more then likely it comes from Mendocinoish. I mean cuz like the best shit comes from there, ehh!

But hash for the kitchen fixin, now that’s something else! Again, Webster, my good bud, says “to chop, as in to small pieces; chopped meat mixed with potatoes and browned”. Yeah that’s the stuff!

So, I’m makin some hash you guys. The meatloaf was the heal end out of the pan stuffed into a baggy. I just crumbled that all up while it was still in the baggy. Fired up a large skillet with a mess a olive oil in it. Diced an already cooked red potato and started browning those pups. Dumped in the crumbled meat loaf, diced up a quarter of a bell pepper, kept the fire going and started stirring and flipping. Added a couple of heaping tablespoons of those bacon bits and shook a shit load of black pepper over the top. Smells damn good! Normally I add onions but the meatloaf already had enough in it for my tastes. While this was browning to perfection I got the heat under an egg pan and fried up a couple over medium. All finished I slop the hash on a platter size plate and set the eggs over the top - all to be chopped and mixed up together for a fine morning feast with a little salt and a glass of moo.

Now I use a plastic spatula for flippin the hash in the pan. When the honey makes this or similar dishes like fried potatoes she uses a little wooden thingy. Not quite a wooden spoon and not quite a wooden spatula. I personally hate the thing, but she likes it. After I sort of did my post cooking cleanup I noticed some unusual utensils on the counter that I’d never seen before. The honey must a got them when I was outta town or something. They look like white porcelain but are melamine, whatever the fuck that is, and were made in Thailand if ya can believe that. I had to ask her later where she got them and said she said at the grocery store. I didn’t believe her. They look like they came from a sci-fi store. The first one that I saw kind of looked like a fat tonged table fork with only two tongs. But not really functional as a fork - too fat. What it really looks like is a miniature electronic probe/jabbing gizmo that an alien might have used in Star Trek, Star Wars, or other sci-fi flick. She said its for poking things. I told her, I got the tool for poking things and it sure don’t look like that. This damn thing evens rings when ya tap it, like I said fine porcelain, uh huh. Scary! Now the other utensil looks kind of like a wide blade skinning knife but again that melamine shit. Must be a set or something. Before I talked to her about them I thought, well maybe its new silverware, but if the first one is the fork then this one could be the knife or spoon. Neither too functional. Too flat for a spoon - wouldn’t hold a bit of cereal, and too dull for a knife. She said its for spreading stuff for like icing on a cake. I don’t know though. Could be alien instruments if ya ask me. I’ll have to watch her for a while, ehh.

I’m going to tell ya - hash is a damn good pre-game meal. Ya just wanta make sure that ya scarf it down a couple hours ahead a lacing em up though, cuz it can sit pretty heavy and also cause ya to burp up them peppers and onions. I used to fix it with lard instead of the olive oil like I use now. Moves through ya quite quick that way with the lard and makes ya light for the game if ya know what I mean.

Hash is good fixins for camping too. I fix it for the guys when we go fishin and shit. Makes for a one pot meal that ya can have for breakfast or dinner alike.

I’ve been fixin it for years now, I made it with every kind of meat ya can think of: chicken, fillet mignon, pork chops, ham, steak, hamburger, elk, trout, bacon, leftover sloppy-joe, sausage, turkey dark meat. Its really a “leftover dream meal”.

So here’s the word from Jasper here, ya wanta push a little poop through the shoot and energy up for your pond hockey game tonight in the subzero weather then fix yourself a big old batch of HASH. You’ll be walking with wood like the big boys do!

Keep your sticks down and skate hard!

Sunday, December 2, 2007


To my dedicated readers - I apologize for not posting a new Jasper Wheats tale for your entertainment this week. I had some travel problems this weekend and some duties for future opportunities to take care of.

I actually started something about half an hour ago and then my laptop hiccupped and the whole of what I had written just diappeared into the nether world.

The idea still dwells in a wrinkle of my brain so given that I end up having both the time and the energy I'll get you something fresh before the end of the week.

Bobby (those of you at that's "Hockey Bob")