Sunday, August 5, 2007

Agitator Status

This week has been especially good. I accepted a job offer and start a new position on Tuesday, August 7th. Last week’s blog story Durty Deeds (dun durt cheap) was especially good so I chuckled about that all week long. The honey’s sister’s bird went back home so the cabin was quiet again. Went to a concert in the park Friday night and a small beer fest/microbrew tasting event Saturday.

Now buds … I mean … let me tell you guys … that beer fest was a good event. For twelve bucks you got a commemorative glass and eight tickets for samples. And damn if they weren’t drawing full twelve ouncers. Got a good buzz! Favor the ambers myself - good stuff! And the whole while that me and the honey were there we listened to live bands - first a nice little jazz gang then some boys playing some good blusey rock. Wooot - Wooot !!

So how the hell was your week, you guys? Kick some shit? Chill with the guys or gals? Snake a little ass? Hope it was good for all a ya.

Anybody payin any attention to the trades and contract offers going on in the NHL? Ehh? There’s a lot a shit going on and by that I mean a lot a controversy.

Teams are scramblin to get their key guys resigned again - or not. They’re getting draft picks under contract and dosing the dudes that have hit the free agent market. It’s all interesting and adds to compassion that we have for this sport and our favorite teams.

You guys, know that I’m a die-hard LA Kings fan, right? Recently, they really suck but I still gotta love em, ehh? My own opinion, over the years, all-in-all, they don’t know jackshit about building a team or how to maintain it once they have something good. In particular I wanta go back to February before the playoffs started.

As usual the Kings weren’t a contender for the playoffs. And they did what so many hack teams do - they traded away players to teams that were going into the second season. Some of these players that vanish have been stalwarts and others may not have been - just journeymen grinders. But what really pisses me off is when they dump fan favorites. Sure, sometimes it’s good for the player, cuz he might end up finally gettin his name scribed on the Stanley Cup. Talk to any Bruins fan about that issue, ehh.

But wtf makes a fan favorite? Being a super star, helps. Being beefcake, hunk material helps. Being charitable and able to handle the media helps too.

Well, cuz I’m a fan of old time hockey (yeah I even advertise that shit wearin an NHL hat and hero’s jacket that sports that trademarked phrase) - blood and guts, bench clearing brawls, the whole fuckin shebang - I think the guy that acquires team agitator status is a fan favorite. Shit, from my point of view, he just might be “the fan favorite.” Who gets your team pumped up? Who rallies the fans into a screamin bunch of idiots? Who throws the opposing team off of their pace? Who do the opposing fans just hate? The agitator!

The Kings traded their agitator, Sean Avery, to the Rangers on February 5, 2007. I loved the guy. Hated him when he played for Detroit. Gonna hate him again if the Kings get a chance to play the Rangers this year. But what did he do after the trade?

Became a Ranger fuckin fan favorite, that’s what he did. And we all know that Ranger fans are old time hockey fans. Ehh? Some of his Ranger teammates say he was their post season catalyst. The sportscasters during the playoffs mentioned him almost every shift that he was on the ice. The little pain in the butt Avery was some kinda attention getter for fans and players alike.

But Sean Avery is not just a pain in the ass, he can play the game too. Ranger fans got to see that early on. He had a four point game on St. Patty’s Day against the Bruins and had a Gordie Howe hat trick (goal, assist and fight) on April Fools Day against the Leafs. That’s some good shit, ehh, you guys! This guy is walking with wood and I think he probably was from day one. He popped outta his momma’s womb back on April 10, 1980 sportin a stiff one I’m sure.

This past week Sean and the Rangers went to arbitration. Avery wanted $2.6 million and the Rangers only offered $1.3 million. The arbitrators split the diff and awarded him $1.9 million for the coming season. Nice jump of $800,000, over the contract he brought over from the Kings, for a guy that got eighteen goals and thirty assists combined for both teams last year. Noted, he had much fewer penalty minutes last year (only 174) compared to his two previous seasons but still enough to show his worth. Ranger management tried to weaken his worth by saying that he’s both a benefit and a detriment to the team. WTF????

Just look at your bottom line buck-o’s - how many Ranger fans are going to be wearing Avery jerseys this season, ehh?

But what makes a player an agitator? Well, this is key, he’s got to get in the face of the other team. He’s got a be talkin some shit down there on the ice. And not backin down too often. Take the other team off their game and sending some guys to the box. I think that’s why Sean’s penalty minutes were lower this year. He’s matured in technique. Previously he carried his agitation a little too far and ended up going to the sin bin himself. This past season, many times I saw him push until the opponent drew a penalty and then he’d just get back into the flow of the play instead of retaliating. Smart shit, that is.

My younger brother, Jingles, can play a good agitator. He’ll get in your face, smilin all the time, and take you out. I remember watching one game when he was playing juniors where his coach sent him out to take a certain opposing player off the ice. Jingles went out in that one shift and took not only the specified player out with a penalty but a second one too and did it without even drawing an infraction himself. That’s some shit! Hell, in a recent game, he told me that some guy had parked in the slot and wouldn’t budge. So ticked off and protective of his goalie he just picked the guy up by his upper arms and moved him outta the way - with that shit eatin grin and all. Got a holding penalty, but wtf, stirred up the other team a mess a horse shit for sure.

So the agitator is gettin in your face and talkin shit. He’s talkin about your momma, your wife, your girlfriend, your sister and even your ancestry. Hell, your anatomy sure the shit isn’t safe from comment either. He’s calling you an asshole, craky, nigga, fuckface. He’s commenting on your hockey skills and the fag color of your team’s jersey. He’s not being delicate having a parlor discussion with you. While he’s gettin his elbows up in the corner he’s being as damn derogatory has he can be. And at faceoffs he’s slappin your ankles and whisperin sweet nothings in your ear. He’s playing dirty and he’s playing mind games. The fans see the outcome but don’t know the reality.

They love it.

Sean Avery, we know, does it all. Truth or false, he got fined about a thousand bucks for calling Georges Laraque a monkey. My opinion, that’s lightweight verbalization - not worth the money nor the press. It’s just part a the game and part a the job. Penalty minutes, he’s had his share. Over 322 NHL regular season games he’s had 913 penalty minutes. Being a statistical sort a guy that I am, that works out to around 2.84 penalty minutes per game. How’s that rate compared to others?

Tie Domi, another guy that I loved to hate, had an average of about 3.45 penalty minutes per game. But he couldn’t put up the goals and assists like Avery can.

Here’s a little list of the lifetime NHL regular season stats of some other former LA Kings. Some you’d call agitators and some you’d call enforcers. But take a look and see how Sean compares.

Gerry “King” Korab - 1.67 penalty minutes per game
Ian Laperriere - 1.74 penalty minutes per game
Tony Granato - 1.84 penalty minutes per game
Rick Tocchet - 2.60 penalty minutes per game
Larry Playfair - 2.63 penalty minutes per game
Dave Hutchinson - 2.65 penalty minutes per game
Sean Avery - 2.84 penalty minutes per game
Stu Grimsom - 2.90 penalty minutes per game
Kenny Baumgartner - 3.35 penalty minutes per game
Warren Rychel - 3.50 penalty minutes per game
Marty McSorly - 3.52 penalty minutes per game
Dave “Tiger” Williams - 4.12 penalty minutes per game
Dave Schultz - 4.29 penalty minutes per game

So you can see, Avery, fits in there pretty good with some of the heavy weights from around the league over the years and is out penalized compared to the guys that I remember as being real agitators while with the Kings, like Granato, Tocchet and Laperrier.

Take a look a Avery, he’s not all that big. He lists out at 5’-9” and 185 pounds. He’s not the most handsome dude, looks more like a boxer then anything. But he’s been rumored to have chilled with some babes in his day. Take Rachel Hunter, Rod Stewart’s former flame, that he hung with for about a year. Back in the day, she was always one of my favorite Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit models. So he hangs pretty good off the ice too.

Is he getting the credit that he’s due? Is he being allowed to play up to his potential? I think not on both counts. He wasn’t even originally selected in an NHL entry draft. During the lockout season he ended up playing for the Motor City Mechanics along with Chelios and several other NHLers. He’s the only player in their history to record two hat tricks in one season and he did that over less than twenty games played. I think that he’s got waaaaay more potential then what we’ve seen. But I think that the Rangers and any of his future teams will continue to utilize him as an agitator. He’s become extremely skilled at this and few players in the league can compare. In a recent poll, of a big chunk of the current NHL players, about two-thirds of them have ranked him as the most hated player in the league.

The Ranger fans will give him the credit and appreciation that he’s due!

Sean Avery, of Pickery, Ontario, Canada, has attained agitator status! He walks with wood.

Me, I’m just a has been. I’m your favorite old fart hockey humorist taking a look this week at a part of hockey that inspires the sport. Let those from the NHL governing body never take the spirit of the game away! Long live those that love the old time hockey.

Until next time, this is Jasper Wheats, over and out.

Skate hard !

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