I-Pod, I-Phone now I-Puck ?????????

Jasper here.

Summer’s great but I sure miss hockey season. How about you guys out there? Ehh? Still walking with wood are ya?

Hey you guys, did ya go out and get your new I-Phone yet? Nah? Me neither.

Well its supposed to be one super-duper device that Apple expects to sell a humongousillion of over the next couple of years. I’m hearing that folks camped out at retail outlets to be first in line to get these versatile little puppies.

Ya gotta have one ya know.

Got your I-Pod, now ya gotta go out and get your I-Phone. I guess.

So what else has Apple been up to? I don’t want to leave you guys in the dark so let me give ya little bit of the scoop that I’ve been hearing in the back woods. I’ve got to tell ya up front that it ain’t no good though and I’ll explain my opinions latter on. Ehh?

What I hear is that they’ve partnered with the NHL, Versus (Comcast) and some of the professional hockey equipment manufacturers. They’ve developed a new product that they’re going to call the I-Puck.

Yup, the I-Puck and you heard it here first; right from Jasper’s mouth.

The rumor is that it’s not just a new puck but a new way to play hockey. It’s going to re-invent the game.

The features of the I-Puck (so far that I’ve heard):

1) Will look and feel just like the standard issue NHL puck.
2) Includes a rechargeable battery for operating all of the digital features that’s good for about one and half hours or including a safety factor – about one period of play. (If this little sucker drizzles down to the beer leagues then on one charge it should last about a game.)
3) Comes with a docking system via integral waterproof USB port that recharges the battery and is used to download game data, player stats and vitals, syncs to the game clock, etc, etc.
4) Built in wireless video system with five lenses on each surface (one aiming straight out and the others at ninety degrees with a upward view at about a thirty degree angle off of vertical) and eight around the perimeter circumference each positioned at every forty-five to aim straight out from the center.
5) Includes a GPS system of military quality accurate to one centimeter and an override system that detects the position of the boards, red line, blue lines and goal lines via a precision proximity detection system.

But that’s not all that is required for this system to work. The docking station has to be connected to redundant high-end Apple computers with all the required encrypted multi-channel wireless video inputs. Below the ice a special proximity detection wiring system, connected back to the computer, has to be installed with wires located on both edges of coloring of the aforementioned lines. The boards have to have a similar proximity wiring system included. The detection system has to be directionally fine tuned so as to detect the puck or a player passing across the space perfectly perpendicular up to thirty feet above the ice surface.

Smaller wireless sending units, I-Skates, will be manufactured into each players’ skates and an I-EQ system will be wired into sox, pants gloves, helmets and jerseys. Each stick and blade will have the I-Stick system integral to them. These smaller sub-systems are nothing more the RF senders that the I-Puck and the rink wired system will detect.

The gist of this whole system of course is that we’ll now get some new camera angles as we watch the NHL on Versus. (I’m guessing that there will be some fee arrangement for local coverage networks to buy into the new system.) Another feature, one that the NHL really likes, is that all line infractions, goals, some delay of game calls, and too many men on the ice calls will now be handled by the I-Puck system. Basically linesmen will no longer be needed on the ice. They will now sit in a new enclosed area off ice between the two benches and will only jump on the ice to break up fights or the usual pushing and shoving. Rather than whistles they will carry electrical stunners and the NHL figures that after one season all rough stuff will be eliminated. The system will accurately award all goals and assists weeding out illegal high stick deflections and kick-ins. I’m hearing that when a goal is scored it causes the red light to come on and automatic bull horn or whatever organ blasting that the arena has and then after a programmed delay announces the goal scorer and assists not requiring the ref to award these points or a goal judge to turn the light on.

The NHL and Versus think that this is a pretty sweet upgrade to our game of hockey. Apple thinks that they’ll make millions off of it and get new major marketing channels world wide from it usage. As usual and as similar to the I-Phone it comes with a two year contract with major penalties for early termination.

Hogwash!

I think that this is bunch of crap. Sure maybe the new camera angles will be great and exciting but we’ve seen some of the ridiculous things that the TV networks have tried before to make our game “more viewer friendly.” So we’ll have to wait and see on this aspect of the I-Puck system.

But I’ll tell you guys that I’m really upset with this proximity detection system that calls infractions and awards goals and assists. Shit, the best part of watching a sporting event is being able to argue about the calls with your buddies, ehh. Ya know the comments, “It never crossed the line!” or “His stick wasn’t that damn high!” or “Pull your head out ref!” yadie, yadie, yadie. Hey and wait until the hackers figure out how to manipulate the system and really screw it up. Shit they probably won’t have to mess with the game’s entertainment value – I can just see all kinds of equipment delays as components malfunction over the course of a game. Delay for a broken pane of glass that’ll be nothing as compared to the “System Manager” calling time out because Crosby’s sending unit in his left skate quit working. Give – me – a – break!

And what do you guy’s think about eliminating goal judges and only using linesmen to break things up with stunners. That’s a bunch of horse pucky! Man we gotta bring back that old time hockey. I’m already so pissed off at the way that they’ve restricted so many of the defensive tactics that I was taught to use that I’m about ready to puke thinking about this stinking I-Puck. I gotta tell ya that when Don Cherry gets wind of this the shit is going to fly. The worst is - that damn two year contract.

You guys, whaddya think about this? Ya for it or like me against it? Ehh?

Let me know – leave a comment here or email me at hoduhn@sbcglobal.net.