Monday, May 14, 2007

SANDWICHES

I’ve gotta be really hungry right now or something. Actually I’m bored shitless watching another Sabres versus Senators game. The second period just started in game three of the 2007 eastern conference finals. Since the first couple minutes of the game I haven’t been able to get too excited over these two teams, even though I want Buffalo to win this series (right now there’s a fat chance of that happening). I truthfully can’t imagine either of these teams winning a game against the Ducks or Wings in the Stanley Cup finals.

Sorry guys - I’m just really disappointed that neither of these teams seem to be walking with wood right now. We’ll see, ehh?

Another thing, I’m feeling that this is going to be one of my weaker blog postings. It just doesn’t have the bite that I want it to have; so sometimes I really suck too.

Eat shit and die! Read em and weep, puck buddies!

Eat sandwiches and laugh, well maybe laugh. I’ve been reading bulletins on MySpace for too long and this just looks like one of those piece a shit lists that everybody seems to repost cuz their so f’n bored (Ya for sure - sorry Tom).

But who gives a rat’s ass - I don’t get paid to do this. Its just so damn fun.

I made a list of as many names of sandwiches as I could think of and then made up some bogus hockey action that the sandwich name is supposed to mean. Hey if ya don’t like it then make up your own. Ehh? What’s that shit ya say?

Bologna Sandwich - The shit that sportscasters talk about before the game and in between periods.

BLT - Butt, Leg, Toe - just a bit of slew footing.

Cheeseburger - Almost scoring on a slap shot but ya catch some pipe.

Chicken Salad Sandwich - More commonly seen in youth hockey where the player with the puck shies away from a check but gets blind sided by another opponent.

Dagwood Sandwich - the pile up of players on the winning team after winning a highly significant game such as the Olympics, NCAA, Stanley Cup, or your league.

Fish Sandwich - Making a move that puts you close to your opposing defender causing him to make a stick infraction.

French Dip - A full body deke where you’re going three or four directions at once, basically removing your opposing defender’s jock strap. Originally developed by Gilbert Perault of

Buffalo’s famous French Connection line.

Fried Egg Sandwich - A knockout, concussion, any hit that leaves ya dazed and confused. (Led Zeppelin played hockey, ehh?)

Grilled Cheese - The losing team’s coach catching shit in the post game news conference.

Grilled Ham and Cheese - A photo op where your toothless grin is oh so visible. (see Ham and Cheese Sandwich)

Ham Sandwich - A dive where you get two minutes because it was so ridiculously obvious.

Hamburger - Standard fare shot on goal that’s been blocked or was an easy save.

Ham and Cheese Sandwich - Gloating after a great goal making for a decent photo op.

Hot dog - A player that’s playing in a league below his f’n real level. Someone that you just love to take out.

Kraut dog - A player that uses a lotta wood work; cross checking, hooking and high sticking.

Mashed Potato Sandwich - An unfortunate injury that occurs during the pre-game warm up. (Yeah, my son-in-law loves these - hot or cold - don’t even matter a stinkin little bit.)

Meatloaf Sandwich - Post game video analysis of your last losing game. Your coach provides everybody with their fair share of ass chewing - ahh sorry there I meant constructive criticism.

Montecristo Sandwich - The element of setting up for a face-off with all the positioning; physically, verbally, and psychologically.

Pancake Sandwich - Double teamed slam usually resulting in a fried egg sandwich.

Patty Melt - Poor refrigeration management resulting in really shitty ice. Most common problem on Ranger home ice.

PB & J - Puck Blocking and Joisting - Tough defensive play in front of the net - highly reminiscent of the play of former LA King Gilles Marotte.

Philly Cheese Steak - Bench clearing brawl. Not to common anymore except in beer leagues. Made famous by the Broad Street Bullies.

Poor Boy Sandwich - A cheapskate looking for free hockey. (See my previous blog about Robbie-O.)

Ruben Sandwich - The unfortunate inability to recognize a professional player when he’s out of uniform or with his helmet off. They all look like Peewee Herman.

Sloppy Joe - Dropping the puck to your lagging skate, then kicking it ahead to your stick side past your defender; again dropping his jock.

Steak Sandwich - Scoring on a slap shot.

Submarine Sandwich - Boarding that elicits plenty of fan excitement.

Tuna Salad Sandwich - A good looking goal until after video review its determined to be no good. Tastes great but burps up really fowl.

Turkey Sandwich - A defensive pairing that really sucks.

Veggie Delight - While watching a televised game the cameraman pans a stunning honey that’s not really watching the game - but you figure that she might still have been a good date.

OK, so that’s it. I ain’t walking with wood so good this week. But I wrote it and you read it.

Done and done - the woods are dark ………………

Jasper

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you got a lotta time on ya hand dont ya, those sandwiches are pretty clever