OSCAR'S BITTY

Damn if my basement to be or as the honey says “your old root cellar” ain’t still all taped off by the sheriff yet.

Shit, shit, shit!

Them damn bones down there have just about taken the wind outta my sails ya know. I really wanted to get that baby closed off before the real chill of winter set in.

I did a little negotiating with the local public works department while I was outta town this week to get my hands on some used narrow box culvert that they’d dug up to be replaced with some wider shit. They’re replacing it out by Ledgewood Creek that overflowed last Fourth of July and closed off access to the northwest corner of the county for about a week. I’ll have to arrange to move and set it over here at the cabin, but I figure that it’ll work good for that secret tunnel I was tellin ya about earlier that’ll run from the barn to the basement. It’s about a hundred foot run so it’ll be ten sections and lids of that used shit. I figure that I can get Moyer to help me out with this shit - he knows most the local contractors that do underground utilities and stuff like that.

Our local county building department is kinda lenient out here and we most the time can do what we want as long as it ain’t living space that we’re messin with so this will just be pretty damn slick.

Back to them bones. The honey said that a deputy and Flagg came out on Monday and Tuesday. Didn’t chat with her much but she said that when they left they had two heavy black plastic bags of probably bones.

So, you guys, I got home around 8:30 last night from my train ride and was just bushed. Stayed up for a bit watching some TV with the honey and chatting a bit about the usual domestic stuff and then just hit a wall and excused myself to go to bed. Guess I’m damn glad that Norris’ Nightmares were playing away games this weekend over the state line and that Jingles and Bronzie are running them. I’d a died trying to keep up with the beers afterwards for shit for sure.

So I crashed hard like you guys do the net on a two on one bitch of a break. Goalies pain for your gain, ehh.

At about 3:00 am I wake up sweaty and hot and it sounds like Husongs Cantina in my head. Was that Spanish or just a garbled up midnight brain fart??? Then it comes back to me I’d been dreaming. And oh fuck! It was that same dream I had when I was outta town looking at resort property up by Duluth. The night I got thrown in jail for throwing rocks. The night the Staal brothers were in there with me cuz of their bachelor party.

It all came back to me so clear.

I’d been dreaming that I was walking up to an arena with my gear bag and sticks over my shoulder. It was a big place, I mean something big enough for an NHL game. I’m feeling a little nervous - kinda like when ya get the shits before the first couple a games a the season, ya know.

And outside the arena were all these vendors pushing carts and hawking their goods like the guys ya see downtown selling ice cream and cold treats with bells ringing and shit. ‘Cept these guys were selling stuff called Durdy Deeds. I walk by one vendor and he yells at me “Wut ya want kid? I got sum Hi-Stix, But-Ends and Cros-Chex left. Ya gonna neeeed em! Anything ya buy comes with a get outta jail free card.”

What the fuck is this ??? I’m trying to get my head on straight.

Another’s yelling “Get ya hooks right here! I got elbows, come on guys, I got elbows! Get ya hooks! Right here, right here, now!”

A vendor over to the left is hawking “Stitches, get your stitches, sutures here, you’re gonna need em! Get’m here! Going fast! Stitches!” Catches his breath and he starts again “I got knuckle bumps and black eyes, it’s all good shit guys, gettttemmm here!”

I look close at the guy and he’s got no front teeth - just a crunked out shit eatin grin with two black eyes.

The dream continues and I’m feeling really queasy as I head through the doors of the arena.

Inside the music is screaming over the loud speakers of the public address system. So loud and so strong are the bass notes that again I feel like it takes my breath away … “DURDY DEEDS DUN DURT CHEAP … DURDY DEEDS DUN DURT CHEAP …” I walk through the mezzanine with the adrenaline now coursing through my veins and look down at the ice surface below.

No glass, no fish nets for the crowd’s protection - just from the top of boards to a structure of steel framework that runs all the way across the rink - nothing but chain link fence! Yup, I think, this is gonna be old time hockey. Hockey at its rawest - inside that cage. The teams go in and they can’t come out. It’s the lions den, in the style of ancient Roman gladiators. A fight to the death; where only one man remains skating and his team (in name only - I guess) will hoard the glory as being victors of it all.

That was it again. That’s when I woke up thinking that all this noise in my head was maybe the crowd in that famous cantina down in TJ. I was sweating like crazy I tell ya and this time I could get up to take a pisseroo, cuz I’m home and not in some dab gone holding cell like the last time I had this crazy dream.

I tell the honey about the dream and she tells me, “Jasper I’ve been having crazy dreams too. Maybe this place is haunted. Damn them bones!”

Now she’s not prone to cursing so I better figure out what’s going on and get this resolved. I like this place and I sure the shit ain’t gonna let no haunt run me or the honey out a here.

After takin care of some morning chores I head over to the sheriff’s office to get the latest scoop.

First he tells me that they have identified the bones as being from one adult female and one child female possibly, too, of maybe eight to eleven years old. They think that it might be Oscar Petersen’s wife, Elizabeth but went by Bitty, and daughter, Shelly.

The sheriff said that they had a report from a couple of years back from Shelly’s teacher at the time, Annie Winslow, that Oscar had come in one day and said that they were moving and she wouldn’t be attending class anymore. The report said that Annie was quite suspicious because Oscar had acted really weird - “like a little boy dancing around trying to holding his water and he couldn’t look me in the eye. Wouldn’t say where they were moving to nor how this had come about.”

The sheriff filled me in some more. “We had done some investigating at the time - nothing too deep. Just checked at the bank and down at his office. Bank said he had asked them to transfer all of his funds to a federal bank in Argentina. And his office said that he had been working on a deal down there for about a year with lots of travel back and forth. It had come to fruition and he was transferred there to set up an office. Seemed ok at the time.”

“Well, in the last week we went back to his local office and chatted with his previous co-workers some more. Several of them said that they thought he had hooked up with a hot hoochie while he was on his trips. I won’t go into the details on that. But we quizzed some of Bitty’s friends and neighbors and none of them had ever been told that they were going to move. It was a real surprize when they just up and disappeared. Most knew that Oscar had been traveling to South America but that was about it.”

While we were chewing the shit a fax came into the sheriff’s office. He let me see it. It was from CODIS and confirmed that the bones were Bitty’s and Shelly’s.

Sheesh! Murdered bodies right there on my property. I figure that they’ll have to work up evidence and shit and then extradite Oscar’s sorry ass back up here to the back woods for a trial and all.

“But dab gone, when can ya free up my basement?” I asked.

“I’ll tell ya Wheats. We might have to continue excavating for a while now looking for additional evidence. I’ve got to get someone out there to shore up that side a your cabin ‘cuz I think were going to have to dig that whole side out and sift through it all. Still looking for a couple of slugs and the weapon and anything else. Were gonna need to interview you and your missus pretty heavy too about what ya can remember about the place at the time ya moved in. You guys might want to think about stayin with someone for a while cuz it’s gonna be messy out there at your place. Maybe through Christmas time.”

“Well ain’t that horseshit! I ain’t stayin somewhere else. It’s bad enough that I’m outta town so much as it is. The honey might want to stay with her sister for a while. She thinks the place might be haunted. You guys … get your shit done as quick as you can so we can get on with our lives, ehh.”

He says, “Yeah Jasper we will. Now you go on and skate hard ehh. And walk with a little wood if ya can.”

The man’s all heart I know - got a tough job a head a him.

Later dudes!

Wheats here. Keep your head up. Leave em dangling and work the corners. Walk with big wood and skate hard always!