THIS WEEK IN HOCKEY

A week or so ago we had the NHL All Star weekend. I was home the whole weekend so I put my eyes on the tube and watched all the activities. The skills competition used to fascinate me. This year, not so much.

My disappointment started with the fastest skater competition. The electronic timing system didn’t even work. Sheeeet! What’s up with that? And still nobody gets close to Marian Gaborik’s record time of 13 seconds.

The highlight of my disappointment here culminated in Alex Ovechkin’s dalliance with two sticks, a hat and tourist sunglasses. What a mess. So what if he scored with his off-hand. I thought it sucked. I want to see skill that you would find extraordinary if it was performed in the course of a game, not this horseshit. Gee, I’ve got one of my new friends over at myspace, a spif puckhead from Germany, whose profile photo shows him balancing an upright stick off the palm of each hand. Regardless of the fact that he’s in street clothes and maybe in a rink parking lot instead of the ice, I’m sure next year will see Ovechkin pulling this stunt in the skills competition for no useful hockey purpose. Ha, ha!

The Young Star’s game is a pretty neat thing most of the time since they started it. It gives the first and second year stars a chance to be recognized for their seasonal on ice accomplishments. But, in my opinion, their regular season play is way more exciting than this four-on-four showcase event. Again, I’m disappointed.

So, that was on Saturday and then we move to the big event on Sunday.

I guess that the Hollywood types that produce these things think we need something other than hockey. I’m mean why does the NHL think it needs to create an event along the lines of the Super Bowl. Come on it isn’t even the same and besides who watches football anymore anyway. Well, these producers, they’re fools. I’ve seen Cirque du Soleil once, even paid for it, but once is enough. I want to see hockey. I want to see the best damn hockey ever.

Won’t happen in an all star game, ehh.

These guys that get chosen to play in an all star game are definitely all qualified to walk with wood in my book. But they sure don’t strut it in this game.

Defense? What’s that?

Aggressive? What did we have only one penalty?

And to be picked to play this game as a goalie? Whoa-dogs! That’s got to be the most em-bare-assing thing in the world. Why would ya wanna show up?

But, I watched the game and I’ve got to say that the city of Montreal and the Habs deserved this event. It was their time and their show. And as worthy as it was, it was their MVP too.

In my opinion, the best part of this whole weekend was during the main game, when time was taken out to acknowledge and showcase, live, some of the past Canadian greats. Kudos to Montreal and its great hockey heritage. Now that impressed me.

I’ll tell you though, that no matter how much I complain about this NHL show piece there is one really major quality that is portrayed every single year. And that’s the camaraderie that these normally opposing combatants display during this weekend. They have fun together. Yessirree! I’m always impressed by this aspect of my favorite game. It isn’t just shown here but I tell ya to take a look sometime at the handshakes at the end of a Stanley Cup playoff series as the winning team advances and the loser sadly goes home. Sometimes to me, getting to see that handshake is just as important as seeing the game. This element of hockey is instilled in players from the time that they are kids and the mandatory handshake at the end of every game.

There are those of you that don’t think too highly of this, but even in beer leagues, I never had a real problem partying along with vile opponents after the game. Not to say there wasn’t the occasional turd-ball that I’d just as soon wail on no matter the time or location. But that too is what makes this sport of hockey so great.

NHL rivalries. They are the best. And that’s the part that goes omitted from the All Star games. That’s why this specific game lacks the polish that interests me.

I don’t recommend that this game be scrapped but it sure lacks the luster of a regular season game and hands down is a loser to the Winter Classic. Now that is the best thing that the NHL has come up with in years next to reducing the size of goalie equipment. I love it!

There, you’ve got my biased opinion of things important.

So, here’s the shit that’s going on here.

Last writing, I was invited to do some super sledding over at the hill on D-Pitty’s property. With my injury and all, you may recall, that I deemed it best to just watch. And that I did. Unbeknownst to me, D-Pitty had hired Stinky to groom some channels into the slope and iced them up almost to the point of becoming luge runs. Damn it all anyway if those makeshift sleds of Stinky’s didn’t just haul ass. On the Saturday afternoon that I went to watch, D-Pitty had gotten a hold of Jingles and Bronzy and had them invite all my kids on Norris’ Nightmares to join in the action. Now I don’t know if ya remember from last year that these slobagons that Stinky built were made from the halves of an RV’s holding tank and had partial goalie stick outriggers for steering and that one of these had fallen apart last year about killing us. Well, he beefed these babies up and they were the shit. Most of the kids brought their own gravity operated snow vehicles but opted to stand in line to ride Stinky’s slobagons. Damn I wished I’d a taken some movies of this blasted-ass good time. Would be a U-Tube hit, shit for sure. Luckily the bros recommended almost full hockey gear to anybody shooting the slope or we’d a been hauling kids to the hospital all afternoon.

I’m telling you guys that you shoulda been there. Yup!

I think it was Tuesday or Wednesday that the Sherriff stopped by to give me some news. He said that Tidwilly and the Wanker boys had done their time and were out of jail now. Said that Tidwilly, though, had been commissioned for another six months in a halfway house down in Winona and the Wanker boys had been furloughed to work for an uncle over in North Dakota. He said that it was just a warning, owed me and my bros that, even that these no-goods weren’t back in town you never can trust them to honor their obligations now that their out of the hoosegow. No telling that they might hookup together and show up around here to give us some trouble again. Well, we’ll see about that. I sure don’t need any trouble right now given the shape that I’m in.

I gave the news to Jingles and Bronzy that same day. Jingles said that he’s gonna start carrying that Colt 45 replica that he got at Cabella’s and Bronzy said that he was sticking under the seat of his truck that Ruger 22 mag single six that Dad had given to him. Me, ahh yup, I ain’t in good shape but I think I can still swing a tire iron pretty good, so I’m keeping one handy in the pickup. Hope nothing comes of this but ya never know what those ass-wipes might do. I’ll have to fill D-Pitty in on this action. Don’t think he knows these boys or their nasty rep.

What else???

Oh yeah, really interesting game gonna be on TV Tuesday. Sharks against the Bruins. Should be good being played on Boston ice. Ha-ha and the Sharks have lost three in a row for the first time going into this.

Damn, and what’s going on with that favorite team of mine, the LA Kings? Have they finally turned their game around? We’ll see, ehh.

Well that’s it for today my puckbuddy friends.

Jasper here calling it another one.

Skate hard or get off the ice, ehh!